Death by Nargles
by RiAddison
Summary: When Nargles attack, nobody is safe, except Luna Lovegood. So sit down and let her tell you all about it and how you can avoid being attacked…


Hey, this idea came from the crazy minds of Just Your Above Average Malfoy and myself, as we were PMing about one of my stories. In this story they don't just stay in mistletoe, they like plants and/or dark places and like to steal things. I just thought it would be quite funny and just a bit of nonsense, which is different from all of the romance stories I've been writing. I was listening to crazy music while writing this, so sorry if it's a bit spastic. Btw, the title does not mean anyone dies by Nargles, its like the saying 'Death by chocolate…' You aren't actually gonna die from eating chocolate…just wanted to tell you guys so you can't chew me out about it later.

Don't own Harry Potter or Nargles….though that would be cool, I'd have an army of Nargles that could wreak havoc on my enemies…lol, jkjk.

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><p>"Hi there, I'm Luna Lovegood, and I'm here to tell you about the time when the Nargles attacked Hogwarts. It was back in fifth year, and that foul woman Umbridge had taken up residence at Hogwarts forcing Dumbledore out of the castle. I took it upon myself to trying to give her as much trouble as I could. So one day I decided to ask the Room of Requirement for help. I told them I required something that would annoy Umbridge, but I wasn't very specific. What came out did aggravate Umbridge, but I had also loosed them on the entire student body. What happened was something I couldn't have imagined. After the fateful loosing, I walked around hoping they would leave most of the students alone and that hopeful the ones that did get attacked wouldn't find out it was me. The Ravenclaws and Gryffindors have Herbology together and Neville was our teacher's helper it was as we sat down to work that things got really interesting."<p>

'Now, I'm going to have Mr. Longbottom here demonstrate the correct way to repot the Ilex bush, or otherwise known as the holly plant, proceed,' Mrs. Sprout told Neville as the rest of the class and I watched.

'First you take the pot you will be transferring the plant into and fill it half full with magical blend of soil, then you firmly grab the base of the plant and pull light—argh!'

Neville never finished the sentence, because one of those accidental pests I loosed, jumped at his face, shrieking at being disturbed. I remember him cursing the day he had decided he liked plants as he ripped the nasty little bugger off and it scurried out the door off to find another victim. Mrs. Sprout rushed over, squawking over the bite on Neville's chin and insisting he be taken up to the infirmary right away. I of course volunteered, since this really was my fault and as boring as he could be, I rather liked him.

As the two of us made our way up to the infirmary, we encountered the intended victim of the little terrors running around the school.

'Why are the two of you not in class?' Umbridge asked, glaring at us.

'Well I'm taking Neville to the infirmary, since as you can see he has a nasty bite on his face,' I replied, probably with more sass than I should have, but what did I care, it was Umbridge, I lived to annoy her.

'I'm aware of that Ms. Lovegood, and I'm sure Mr. Longbottom can find his way himself, you, in my office…NOW!"

I watched as the hag walked off and sheepishly shrugged at Neville and followed Umbridge. As I started to enter her office, I heard a high-pitched squeal. Running into the room I noticed the place was trashed, little bite marks marring every surface. I had to stifle my laughter at the look on her face, I had wanted to irritate her and it had worked brilliantly…well almost.

'Do you know who did this Ms. Lovegood, since you find it so funny?" Umbridge asked, in her sickly sweet voice.

'Well it looks like the Nargles did, ma'am,' I replied, still trying not to laugh.

'I am aware of you and your father's obsession with these creatures called "Nargles" and I will tell you they do not exist. Now tell me or its detention with Filch!"

"Again Headmistress Umbridge,' I replied in a sweet voice, 'It's the Nargles…"

She just glared at me, like she could read my mind, but then she told me, 'You will report to Filch at 9pm, in the trophy room and make sure you're not late.'

I left the office and wandered around the 3rd floor when I ran into Lavender Brown, who was crying and shrieking trying to get a howling Nargle out of her hair.

"Stupid thing, took me an hour to do my hair this morning!"

I walked past, I had never liked the girl, she was too much of an airhead and besides someone would eventually hear her and come to her rescue. I spent the rest of the time until dinner wandering around, detecting the aftermath of Nargles. Like the girl who had just gotten out of the bath, her hair in curlers and face covered in an exfoliating mask, and was trying to keep her towel on as a particularly nasty Nargle was trying to rip it off. Later, when I arrived at the Great Hall, the first thing I noticed was that everyone was twitchy and on edge. Shrugging, I sat down and started to eat, when a commotion from the Slytherin table caught my attention.

'Nargles? Not again!' the tall Slytherin, Blaise Zabini yelled, jumping up from his seat, 'My mom told me I was making it up when I found one in my toy box, but I knew it, it's the little devils!'

I watched him running screaming out of the room, chuckling to myself, no one ever believed me when I told them they existed. As I ate, I began to look forward to detention, wondering what impish actions they'd perform next.

Strolling into the trophy room, I saw Filch standing there with an almost evil smirk on his face, as if he was going to take pleasure in my punishment.

'Clean all these trophies, and make sure they shine,' he told me, handing me a dirty blackened rag and a bottle of cleaning solution. I made to grab them, but they were snatched out of his hands by a puckish creature. Chortling in pleasure at the look of outrage on Filch's face, the creature started to run out of the room with Filch following, but at the doorway another creature grabbed his keys, running in the opposite direction. By this time I was almost rolling on the floor at the look of confused outrage on his face. Figuring I wasn't going to be doing detention anytime soon, I walked back to my common room, surprisingly tired after the entertainment of the day. As I made my way up to the girls dorm I heard more shrieking, entering the 5th year dorm I saw Cho Chang and Marietta Edgecombe against the wall clasping each other and looking terrified. At my raised eyebrow, they pointed shaking fingers towards their beds, seeing nothing I looked under the beds and saw two Nargles growling possessively. Deciding I wasn't gonna get any sleep I made my way to the Room of Requirement. Along the way I was intercepted by Hermione, who looked angrier than I had seen her for awhile.

'You've got to do something about these attacks, if they really are Nargles, then you should know how to control them,' she told me holding up her homework, which was shredded to bits.

'I'll try,' I promised walking away.

When I got to the Room of Requirement I told it I required a way to get rid of all the Nargles, and as I opened the door I found the room filled with mistletoe. As if sensing their favorite hiding place, hundreds of Nargles made their way into the room. As the door closed I realized that maybe I should have been more specific when using the Room of Requirement. But it sure had been fun, no one would doubt they exisited anymore, but I did feel bad about Neville and Hermione, but I'd try to make it up to them. Still chuckling at some of the deeds the Nargles had done, I went back to the Ravenclaw tower and fell asleep. When I awoke in the morning, everything was back to normal, give or take a half a dozen Nargles, who occasionally popped their roguish little heads up and causing trouble.

"I've been asked several times how I managed to escape the attack unscathed and I always tell them the same thing. Anti-Nargle Spray, its guaranteed to repel Nargles, just apply and its lasts all day. So if you have problems with Nargles, just remember to pick up your very own bottle of Anti-Nargle Spray! Sold mail order from the Quibbler!"

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><p>Whew! I'm done, it is so hard to write in first person…but I liked the idea of Luna telling the story, since she was the only one that believed in Nargles. Yes she is kinda mean in this story, but I wouldn't help Lavender Brown or Cho Chang either, lol, sorry if anyone likes them. And I feel bad for Neville but it had to be done. I tried making the end like a commercial kinda, but I think I epically failed….XD Please review!<p> 


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